A conversation I had with a friend some years ago prompted me to rethink what success means to me. Our discussion centered around our regrets, hopes, missed opportunities, and choices each of us have made and how they impacted where we were then.
We imagined that somehow, if the decisions that we made were different or if we were better at what we did or worked harder or earlier on our dreams, then we would be more successful.
The conversation was a long one, spanning different phases of our lives. As we talked, it became clear that life as it was then did not meet our expectation of how things should have worked out. Some of our peers were ahead of the game professionally while things were moving along slowly on our end. We were facing so many constraints, which ensured to keep things the same year after year – at least, so it seemed to us at that time.
This discontentment with life is what Zelda Fitzgerald describes in her book “Save Me a Waltz” as the “secret life of man and woman – dreaming how much better we would be than we are if we were somebody else or even ourselves, and feeling that our estate has been unexploited to its fullest.”
It is indeed a secret that many of us hide so well, the feeling that we are maybe wasting our potential, when we could be doing so much more or that we don’t have what it takes. It is a sad feeling that leaves one unsatisfied with how life is unfolding.
It is indeed a secret that many of us hide so well, the feeling that we are maybe wasting our potential, when we could be doing so much more or that we don’t have what it takes. It is a sad feeling that leaves one unsatisfied with how life is unfolding.
I have since learned that while being introspective about one’s journey is an essential step to making necessary changes; doing so with so much regret, however, robs us of the opportunity to truly appreciate all we have already accomplished and the distance we have traveled to get where we are. I believe that our perception of what success means could be what fuels the discontentment that Fitzgerald wrote about and the disappointment my friend and I felt about where we were and where we wished to be. Hence, there is a need to reflect on what success means. Depending on how one sees it, and what counts as success for you, it can mean different things to different people. In contemporary culture success is often thought of as "getting there”; climbing the ladder to somewhere, achieving an impressive professional title, the respect of peers, fame, power, earning enough money to live at a “prestigious address,” getting one’s name into the news or TV. It could also mean simply to achieve one’s set goal or dream, whatever that may be. While there is nothing wrong with any of these definitions of success per se, especially when you work hard for it; from our experience, however, the definition may be too narrow. We already know that none of these external signs of success brings lasting happiness. Stories abound of successful people who have “made it” and yet they feel burdened by their success. Many of them have won sports awards, accolades for their musical talent, made loads of money, but they are still unhappy. I am sure I’m not the only that have noticed that accomplishing one’s goal though it provides a form of validation for the moment does not necessarily leave one completely satisfied. So, it goes without saying that a good definition of success must include other things: contentment with all we have, a sense of wellness, a stable and peaceful mind, love and support from friends and family and an enthusiasm for life. These are the things that enrich our lives the most. How then can one achieve one’s goal or ambition and still maintain a peace of mind and a sense of well-being? Author Micheal Puett writes that answering the question "How are you living your life on a daily basis?" might provide some clarity on what to do:
He muses that everything begins with this question. It requires us to pay attention to the tiniest everyday experiences that connect all aspects of our lives: the rituals, thinking process, our interactions with others, etc. According to him, it is through these daily moments that we become better human beings. As he succinctly puts it “our lives begin in every day and stay in the everyday. Only in the everyday can we begin to create truly (successful) worlds”. With this understanding, I have learned to see success differently, not just achievable only when I reach my final goals, but measured by everything that happens in between – every day. Here are some of the ways that I have come to define success: Success is knowing that each person has a path on which their lives play out and accepting that a slower pace on my path is not necessarily a failure. (It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop – Confucius quote) Success is finding time to work on my dreams and passion. It is stopping to acknowledge the progress I have towards my goal, even though I have not met all them. Success is trusting that every effort towards my goal will pay off one day. It is knowing that no experience is lost – all the little steps are leading towards it. Success is making peace with my past, my failures and believing in all that is possible in the future. It is accepting my present limitations and doing all I can do within the constraints. Success means to stop comparing and worrying about what everybody else is doing, but to remain focused and do my best always. Success is knowing when to give up an idea that has not worked or rethink an approach or just cut my losses and move on.
Success is getting out of my own way with my self–limiting ideas about what I can do and cannot and do, what I like and dislike, but instead opening myself to the endless possibilities that are in life. Success is cultivating curiosity and constantly re-evaluating my assumptions.
Success is not worrying too much about the troubles that are coming but knowing that when and if at all they come I will be ready and prepared to face it. (easier said than done, but still…)
Success is finding time in the day to play and laugh. It is practicing and factoring in self-care.
Success is being part of something meaningful and contributing to others happiness.
Success is seeing a struggling child make process because of a process you have put in place. It is watching the children work independently without my help.
Success is knowing that hidden in each problem is an opportunity or a gift. Often this seen in hindsight, but now I look at the issue to see if I can spot the benefit. If I can’t, I assume it will make sense at some point.
Success is making time to enjoy a meal with good friends or a day out with them. It is reaching out to help a friend in need even just by listening to them.
Success is knowing and acknowledging the blessings in the day. In the end, as Anne Sweeney said, "Define success on your own terms, achieve it by your own rules, and build a life you're proud to live." Here’s to our success in big things as well as in everyday things.
Comentarios